When it rains it pours ...

Not even sure where to start. I've been ricocheting through every emotion in the book throughout the last couple days. I usually end up back at anger but today has been better. Surprising since I only managed a few hours of sleep last night.

So ... maybe I should back up a tad to yesterday mid-day when Axel started feeling unwell. I thought it was stress and grief or maybe a touch of a heavy head but when he laid down "for an hour" and hadn't surfaced three hours later I began to worry a little. Checking on him he said he just couldn't get warm. Hmmm, thank goodness for our trusty new thermometer. He was running a fever of 39.5C / 103F. 

Ooof.

So now I have to back up even farther to the Saturday and the trip we made to ER. Axel was suffering from his third rather painful attack in six weeks ... by the end of the night (ha! 2am) we were able confirm that it is probably his gall bladder. When it rains it pours around here! 

With this fever, my first port of call was the hospital clinic and their answer was he needed to come back in via the ER. 

Ugh ... I should be resting. 

Many phone calls and a very tearful wife later a friend was free to take him. Another came and stayed with me. I was a wreck. Having her here was a lifesaver. We talked a lot and she warmed up dinner for us. By the time she went home I was feeling much better. And not long after I was able to get through to Axel to confirm he was being admitted.

This morning I was also able to call our regular OB/Gyn ... who, in my opinion is one of the kindest, caring doctors ever! I knew he was at the hospital today (rather than his clinic which is farther away) and asked if I could come see him. Yep ... he didn't even hesitate. Even though I know he had a full schedule. Not only did he skip his lunch but he also made the time to stop by Axel's room and say hello as well.

He in the meantime had spoken to our main doctor in Leuven. It doesn't change anything but he is also not happy with how things played out this weekend. It's too involved and frustrating to try to spell it all out here. There is nothing we can do to change how the situation played out and we need to and will now concentrate all our efforts on F. The chances of pre-term labor are much lower now that it's just F growing. 

Main goal now is to keep me healthy and rested.

In the meantime, Axel had keyhole surgery this morning to remove his gallbladder. So I was able to combine my visit to the hospital with checking in on him. He's doing good. He's in good hands. The surgery was successful and hopefully he'll just need to stay a couple days.

All I want for Christmas is for the three of us to be healthy.

As long as we're together we can work on the happy.

18 weeks pregnant today ... nearly half-way to a full-term pregnancy

~ Oh God of Thunder ~

There is no way to break this news gently.
Our last scan revealed that neither of the twins' hearts were beating.

We are gutted but comforted to know they are together.

******

Lars  and Thor Goldschmidt

14 December 2012

******

The next time you hear a clap of thunder, do us a favor ...
... reach up to the heavens and give them each a high-5.

We are sure that any knocking around you hear will be our two little boys
bowling down those ninepins and laughing their silly heads off.

They are with their big brother and sister and will never be forgotten.

******

We are sad but holding on for F.
He needs us right now.
We have to stay positive and healthy for him.

******

All the wishes in the world ...

Axel had a chat with the boys before we left, there has been a lot of tummy rubbing going on and we've been saying our prayers ...

... we're just back from the University Hospital in Leuven ...

It was a tough appointment.

All three boys were checked for growth and little T especially for functions and blood flow. After a difficult discussion with our doctor we also met with one of his colleagues.

There's just nothing that can be done to save T.

He has grown but there is no bladder activity, his amniotic fluid has decreased even more since last week and he is showing negative blood flow which means that his blood is not making it back to the placenta to be re-oxygenated.

We came home tonight knowing that we are going to have to say good bye to this little boy before we even get to meet him.

I wonder what color his eyes would have been?

After our appointment in Leuven, we called our primary OB/Gyn and talked through everything we had learned. I had his wife on the phone first. We are lucky to have a doctor and practice who has been incredible through it all.

I will be admitted to hospital tomorrow night for monitoring and a procedure that will hopefully safeguard T's brothers. I will stay at least 36 hours, maybe more depending on how things go and barring any complications.

We are in good hands and surrounded by so many people who care about us.

Thank you.

Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy !!!

First I should suggest you sit down before reading this. Honestly ... you should.

You see, while we did confess that we were pregnant again we didn't actually tell you we were pregnant with three! 

Yes, triplets ...

Let me tell you it was a huge shock to us too. We found out in a round-a-bout way at 9 weeks. And yes, I need to tell you about the day we woke up pregnant with one and went to bed pregnant with three. 

For now, the long story short is that there was another egg .. hiding .. and that egg split .. into two. Resulting in a set of identical twins plus a singleton.

Today we are 16 weeks pregnant with a nest of three babies. 

I took this picture this morning getting ready for an appointment at the University Hospital in Leuven. We'd been there before, three weeks ago. But also with Saskia and Arne. The best ultrasound technician is there and our doctor has been very proactive in making sure we get the best care and advice that's available.

An hour long appointment to allow for plenty of time to check and measure every aspect of each baby. The length of arm and thighbones, the circumference of their heads and abdomens. The workings of their hearts and bladders. And a measure of blood flow in and out of their hearts as well as umbilical cords. The heartbeats were monitored and when possible their sex is determined.

Yes, we did want to know. We've known about the two since our last visit three weeks ago but we sure were curious about the single. On the first pass through legs and feet were tucked so tight up under the bum that there was no way of knowing. A second pass a half hour later revealed clear evidence of a glowing little thing-a-ma-jig!!

So here you have it ... 

THREE BOYS!

Oh my ...

Thankfully we already have names including a contingency depending on whether #3 was a girl or boy. It meant a lot to know Saskia and Arne's names early on, especially when things were rough. They weren't just baby 1 and 2. So these three littles have fabulous names. Just first names. No middles for our boys, just like their dad. But we won't be giving them away just yet. 

We will, however; tell you their initials because it will be easier to tell their stories.

L, T & F

So, that scan ... one of the twins substantially smaller than the other two babies.

L and F are both measuring about 15cm / 6" - as they should. 

But little T is only about 12cm / 4-3/4" as if he were only 12 weeks old.

It's not a good sign, that's a big difference at this point in the game.

It's possible that it's a case of twin-to-twin-transfusion but the doctor said it's too early to confirm that. It's more likely that T is not getting his share of the twin placenta. 

So it's not only blood that he's lacking, but also nutrition.

To be honest, it doesn't look good for little T and that could affect his twin,
even both of his brothers. We just don't know. The doctors don't know.
Nothing is ever for sure.

I won't go into worst case scenarios or even possibilities right now. There are too many factors.

Too many what ifs.

We have another appointment in a week to check them all carefully again.

Then there is a possibility of a 2-3 day hospital stay for me .. likely towards the end of the next week or sometime the following week.

For right now, just know that we are doing ok. 

Your prayers and thoughts are especially appreciated. 

We know many of you have us there already - Thanks!