It's Thursday morning, the 2nd of May and I'm feeling anxious and annoyed that we are still in the hospital. We are soooo close. Finn is doing sooo well, but in order to be discharged he needs to weigh 2300 grams / 5 lbs, 1 oz. I can't remember now what he weighed yesterday but I have it written down somewhere. But we were close .. really close.
I'm up, showered, dressed and half running the 50m to the NICU. Finn must weight enough today .. his weight gain over the last few days has been good and steady. Plus, I need out of here. I haven't been sleeping as well and it's just time to get our little family home, together, all under one roof.
When I go into wake him for his bath and first feeding, this is how I find him. Sleeping like a little angel. Not surprising that his hands are around his face. His chubby little hands, his chubby little face.
*** this picture makes me smile and wonder at the boy Finn has become ... he looks so much like this photo, he is learning to blow kisses and put's his big chubby hand up to his face, just . like . this. ***
I gently pull back his covers so he can wake slowly while I get his bath things together. He loves to sleep but part of the bathing / first diaper routine in the morning is to weigh him before the doctor does rounds. I've feeling positive and nervously excited. I address him, chatting as we go. Pick him up and lay him gently on the scale.
2285 grams / 5 lbs, 1/2 oz.
My heart sinks and I am fighting back tears. We are 15 grams short. NO!!! I really don't think I can bear another day, but I have heard that today's rounds doctor is one of the more stickler ones ... I am fighting back tears but go about bathing, changing and dressing my sweet boy and wait for the doctor. I see her start to enter the NICU and a nurse rushes up to her. They chat quickly but I know they are discussing Finn. The doctor comes to talk to me before I've finished up with Finn.
I know she can see my disappointment, surely she can hear it in my voice. That I'm about to cry. That I'm about to crack. She checks Finn over, confirms his weight and says, hey, let's not quibble about 15 grams. ok ...
You can go home today.
My heart stopped for a moment I am sure.
We can go home!
We . can . go . home ...
But first we need to do a bunch of things and tests.
And I need to call Axel. Oh my gosh and empty my room.
And get Finn ready.
- First one last ultrasound of his brain - all clear!
- Another echo of his heart (to track the bridge in his arteries .. it's *almost* closed)
- He needs his first round of vaccinations .. poor kid, not really what you want on the day you want to go home.
- His eyes are dilated and checked one . more . time (I think the 3rd, the have been fine every time. Finn never received oxygen so that helped.)
- I meet his primary children's doctor for the first time and do my best to concentrate.
- Axel needs to go to the University Hospital to pick up a monitor and attend a class on how to use it.
Oh and I need to pack my room.
And get his clothes ready.
His hat is finished but not his little pants I was still knitting.
We are finally there and it is time to go home.
Home with Finn.
All three of us together.
Before we can finish grabbing the last things, Finn is fast asleep.
Oblivious to the hustle and bustle.
Oblivious to the excitement.
Just trusting that momma and papa got this!
Once home, it's all about finding a new routine. I must say, Finn was not himself. His surroundings were so different. Noisier, more exhausting. Different. And he was exhausted from that last day. If I had known what I know now I would have done everything and then given him a day to recover.
Yeh, ha. Who am I kidding ... I wouldn't have.
Because it was time to go home.
And enjoy this ...
Finn all tucked up in his bed at home.
Sleeping sweetly.
Sleeping soundly.
For now.
Until his monitor started doing false alarms and waking us all from the deepest sleeps. That d@mn monitor ended up throwing us all off our rhythm and things were never quite the same again, But more about that later.
For now our boy is home.
Sleeping sweetly in his bed.
And when the baby sleeps, momma sleeps.
{
Written retrospectively, 2 May 2014. One entire year after Finn came home from the hospital }
