Nursery Plans

I'm not sure if I should be laughing at myself or shaking my head at my very European city-boy husband.

Knowing there was no way I would ever decorate a nursery and then a "little boy's" room and then a "big boy's" room I planned from the get go to find a theme this little boy could grow with.

I think this picture started it all. I saw it wandering around pinterest and just knew it fit the ticket. Only the walls would be pale aqua. Kind of like this.

So Maps, Globes, Transportation it is.

I'm really trying to find a black globe like the one we had growing up ... because there will definitely be a globe collection. We have Axel's moon "globe" he had as a kid. Will try to find and take a pic ... it's quite cool.

The room below is almost perfect. Almost ... instead of red, there will be more orange. And a fair amount of green. Plus I  have a fantastic stripe to use for curtains. This quilt might end up in his bigger boy room. I hope he likes orange.

But before I got too carried away I ran the idea past the dad. He liked the "theme." In fact I think he might have even loved it. To involve  him I gave him a list of types of transportation and asked him to rank them from highest to lowest priority.

This is what I got back ...

1) Trains
2) Buses

3) Bicycles

4) Automobiles

5) Planes

6) Trucks

7) Emergency Vehicles

8) Tractors

See why I'm laughing at myself?

Trains came first ... and here I was thinking planes and automobiles.


I'd really love one of these planes ... but did you see how far down the list planes are?? Ugh ... I doubt it will happen.

But a red wagon would be perfect! Darn, I forgot to put "playtime" transportation on the list .. as in scooters, wagons, trikes, etc. Do all those fall under "bicycles" ... maybe? ... hmmm

So trains ... a train is a must. I'm thinking a little wooden train to start ... then later we can do the big train. We will have some of Axel's set and a few years ago bought some more track and cars to go with it. I always thought we'd set it up in Axel's office but it seems there will be a little boy who will hopefully enjoy many more hours of play.

Oh gosh .. I can hardly wait!

But haha, with my luck this little guy will be into dinosaurs .. or Superman.

A bunch more ideas and sources for all photos can be found on my "F's Room" Pinterest board. 

Please feel free to weigh in ... I'd love your thoughts and comments.

When it rains it pours ...

Not even sure where to start. I've been ricocheting through every emotion in the book throughout the last couple days. I usually end up back at anger but today has been better. Surprising since I only managed a few hours of sleep last night.

So ... maybe I should back up a tad to yesterday mid-day when Axel started feeling unwell. I thought it was stress and grief or maybe a touch of a heavy head but when he laid down "for an hour" and hadn't surfaced three hours later I began to worry a little. Checking on him he said he just couldn't get warm. Hmmm, thank goodness for our trusty new thermometer. He was running a fever of 39.5C / 103F. 

Ooof.

So now I have to back up even farther to the Saturday and the trip we made to ER. Axel was suffering from his third rather painful attack in six weeks ... by the end of the night (ha! 2am) we were able confirm that it is probably his gall bladder. When it rains it pours around here! 

With this fever, my first port of call was the hospital clinic and their answer was he needed to come back in via the ER. 

Ugh ... I should be resting. 

Many phone calls and a very tearful wife later a friend was free to take him. Another came and stayed with me. I was a wreck. Having her here was a lifesaver. We talked a lot and she warmed up dinner for us. By the time she went home I was feeling much better. And not long after I was able to get through to Axel to confirm he was being admitted.

This morning I was also able to call our regular OB/Gyn ... who, in my opinion is one of the kindest, caring doctors ever! I knew he was at the hospital today (rather than his clinic which is farther away) and asked if I could come see him. Yep ... he didn't even hesitate. Even though I know he had a full schedule. Not only did he skip his lunch but he also made the time to stop by Axel's room and say hello as well.

He in the meantime had spoken to our main doctor in Leuven. It doesn't change anything but he is also not happy with how things played out this weekend. It's too involved and frustrating to try to spell it all out here. There is nothing we can do to change how the situation played out and we need to and will now concentrate all our efforts on F. The chances of pre-term labor are much lower now that it's just F growing. 

Main goal now is to keep me healthy and rested.

In the meantime, Axel had keyhole surgery this morning to remove his gallbladder. So I was able to combine my visit to the hospital with checking in on him. He's doing good. He's in good hands. The surgery was successful and hopefully he'll just need to stay a couple days.

All I want for Christmas is for the three of us to be healthy.

As long as we're together we can work on the happy.

18 weeks pregnant today ... nearly half-way to a full-term pregnancy

~ Oh God of Thunder ~

There is no way to break this news gently.
Our last scan revealed that neither of the twins' hearts were beating.

We are gutted but comforted to know they are together.

******

Lars  and Thor Goldschmidt

14 December 2012

******

The next time you hear a clap of thunder, do us a favor ...
... reach up to the heavens and give them each a high-5.

We are sure that any knocking around you hear will be our two little boys
bowling down those ninepins and laughing their silly heads off.

They are with their big brother and sister and will never be forgotten.

******

We are sad but holding on for F.
He needs us right now.
We have to stay positive and healthy for him.

******

All the wishes in the world ...

Axel had a chat with the boys before we left, there has been a lot of tummy rubbing going on and we've been saying our prayers ...

... we're just back from the University Hospital in Leuven ...

It was a tough appointment.

All three boys were checked for growth and little T especially for functions and blood flow. After a difficult discussion with our doctor we also met with one of his colleagues.

There's just nothing that can be done to save T.

He has grown but there is no bladder activity, his amniotic fluid has decreased even more since last week and he is showing negative blood flow which means that his blood is not making it back to the placenta to be re-oxygenated.

We came home tonight knowing that we are going to have to say good bye to this little boy before we even get to meet him.

I wonder what color his eyes would have been?

After our appointment in Leuven, we called our primary OB/Gyn and talked through everything we had learned. I had his wife on the phone first. We are lucky to have a doctor and practice who has been incredible through it all.

I will be admitted to hospital tomorrow night for monitoring and a procedure that will hopefully safeguard T's brothers. I will stay at least 36 hours, maybe more depending on how things go and barring any complications.

We are in good hands and surrounded by so many people who care about us.

Thank you.

Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy !!!

First I should suggest you sit down before reading this. Honestly ... you should.

You see, while we did confess that we were pregnant again we didn't actually tell you we were pregnant with three! 

Yes, triplets ...

Let me tell you it was a huge shock to us too. We found out in a round-a-bout way at 9 weeks. And yes, I need to tell you about the day we woke up pregnant with one and went to bed pregnant with three. 

For now, the long story short is that there was another egg .. hiding .. and that egg split .. into two. Resulting in a set of identical twins plus a singleton.

Today we are 16 weeks pregnant with a nest of three babies. 

I took this picture this morning getting ready for an appointment at the University Hospital in Leuven. We'd been there before, three weeks ago. But also with Saskia and Arne. The best ultrasound technician is there and our doctor has been very proactive in making sure we get the best care and advice that's available.

An hour long appointment to allow for plenty of time to check and measure every aspect of each baby. The length of arm and thighbones, the circumference of their heads and abdomens. The workings of their hearts and bladders. And a measure of blood flow in and out of their hearts as well as umbilical cords. The heartbeats were monitored and when possible their sex is determined.

Yes, we did want to know. We've known about the two since our last visit three weeks ago but we sure were curious about the single. On the first pass through legs and feet were tucked so tight up under the bum that there was no way of knowing. A second pass a half hour later revealed clear evidence of a glowing little thing-a-ma-jig!!

So here you have it ... 

THREE BOYS!

Oh my ...

Thankfully we already have names including a contingency depending on whether #3 was a girl or boy. It meant a lot to know Saskia and Arne's names early on, especially when things were rough. They weren't just baby 1 and 2. So these three littles have fabulous names. Just first names. No middles for our boys, just like their dad. But we won't be giving them away just yet. 

We will, however; tell you their initials because it will be easier to tell their stories.

L, T & F

So, that scan ... one of the twins substantially smaller than the other two babies.

L and F are both measuring about 15cm / 6" - as they should. 

But little T is only about 12cm / 4-3/4" as if he were only 12 weeks old.

It's not a good sign, that's a big difference at this point in the game.

It's possible that it's a case of twin-to-twin-transfusion but the doctor said it's too early to confirm that. It's more likely that T is not getting his share of the twin placenta. 

So it's not only blood that he's lacking, but also nutrition.

To be honest, it doesn't look good for little T and that could affect his twin,
even both of his brothers. We just don't know. The doctors don't know.
Nothing is ever for sure.

I won't go into worst case scenarios or even possibilities right now. There are too many factors.

Too many what ifs.

We have another appointment in a week to check them all carefully again.

Then there is a possibility of a 2-3 day hospital stay for me .. likely towards the end of the next week or sometime the following week.

For right now, just know that we are doing ok. 

Your prayers and thoughts are especially appreciated. 

We know many of you have us there already - Thanks!

The Postman Came

( originally posted to Jovita's Patchwork Atelier, I am slowly 
copying posts relevant to our Feathered Nest so you 
might see some posts that seem terribly out of sequence )

******************

The postman came yesterday bearing gifts.

Yes, you read that right.

Not one, but two.

Actually, even more than that.

But two packages.

One from Lisa and another from Cathy.

Here's a little background.

To be 100% honest, I can't remember when I actually "met" Lisa. I know we crossed paths a few times, exchanged greetings here and there. But when did we become "friends" ... I don't know. We see each other very little, write even less. But I know she's a friend. I think about her often and feel her thinking about me. It's hard to describe. She's there. She's been there. For a long time.

The story of this little quilt started many many years ago. I whipped the top together during an Amish workshop I was giving in Germany. Then it sat in a pile of tops was hung occasionally. Often forgotten. At a quilt show in March 2008, Lisa saw the top pinned up in my booth and asked if she could quilt it for me. Um ... sure ... wow! No hurry, whenever. On and off I had forgotten it over the years. Until it arrived yesterday.

Not just quilted, but embroidered as well.

Tears, goosebumps, gratitude, love.

oh my

Can you SEE how fine that quilting is? 

Did I mention that the entire quilt measures 11-1/2" squares. 

Those tiny green squares you see above are 1/2"!

Her note said I could remove the embroidery if I didn't like it. 

Are you kidding? 

I LOVE IT. 

I saw it first. The initials. A J A S. Axel looked at it and was a bit puzzled. You see, my middle name is Adria so it all made since until he got to the S ... Goldschmidt? And then it hit and he cried too. The poor man. Sometimes I just want to scoop him up into my heart and hold him there. 

The second package was from Cathy.

A new friend.

I think I met her through my friend Maria first.

Get this.

I live in Belgium, Maria was living in Colombia, Cathy lives in Maryland.

What's the connection?

Yep, you guessed.

Facebook

and Pinterest.

Honestly.

Sometimes I hate social media.

But how can you hate it when it brings people like Cathy into your life?

The second package contained not one

but two of these wonderful little heart blocks!

Honestly Cathy!

They're so sweet.

How did you know?

That I love most things Amish?

That they belong here?

I haven't decided what to make.

But it will be special.

Because you cared.

Because you're my friend.

Cathy also sent this book. 

We're looking forward to spending some quiet times together. 

Reading it together.

Thank you!

The gifts are beautiful. They are wonderful.

But nothing compares to the gifts of your friendship.

Thank you to both of you for your love and kindness.

xox

The Shoulders of Yesterday

Jeebers, yesterday was a doozy. And I'm sorry if it felt like it came from no where. To be honest I felt it coming. I felt it last week when walking to the car for a day of errands my eyes welled up. It went away and the day proceeded without a hitch. Some success on the shopping front some not-so. All in all a rather uneventful day.

Last weekend we painted the kitchen. It went along fine and I actually did more than I planned. Axel sat down at the table with the iPad and worked on some tour planning for customers visiting in September and I cut around all the edges and put a first coat on every single wall. A beautiful clean slate - perfect for snapping a pic of these lovely blooms.

Monday .. eh, I worked on taxes. 

I did pretty good. 

But I was tired. 

I haven't been sleeping again.

Tuesday - yesterday - I woke up too early again. 

From a nightmare. 

Ugh. 

And then it all steamrolled. 

Every . single . little . thing made me cry.

I slept better last night and am doing better today.

I know some of it is hormones. 

I know some of it is not knowing. 

I hate feeling this way. 

I have never liked rollercoasters. 

And I miss me. 

I miss my confidence. 

I despise my doubts. 

I am frustrated by everything.

But there are good things afoot too. The house is looking good. I'm putting some of my pointless energy into sprucing it up. It never happened here. We moved in when I was pregnant the first time. Two weeks later I miscarried. This house has never gotten the attention it deserves. And it's time to make it more of a home. One step at a time.

We're also planning a get away. In May. I can hardly wait. Eight nights, nine days away. It will be a lot of driving but we're looking forward to it. I'll tell you more soon. But for now .. have you been here? We'd love any advise!

 

So to all of you who said a prayer, held us in your thoughts, dropped a line or commented on yesterdays post ~ THANK YOU!

I'll be ok. I promise.

Rest assured. 

There are good days and bad days. 

Most weeks have more good days than bad days.

My favorite part about roller coasters is getting off. I can handle the level parts. Deal with the corners. The highs reveal some wonderful views. But the lows ... oh the lows. Not a fan. The dips I can deal with but the lows physically hurt. So I will do my best to ride this one out. And wait for my turn to get off. I know it will come. With patience. 

Thanks for holding my hand and giving me the courage to ride it out.

I promise to tell you about the frogs soon.

shoulders .. those things you find on either side of something. 
your head, the street, seasons .. you get the idea